Thursday, August 14, 2008

The man I'll always love

I remember the first time I saw you, as your fine, reddish-gold hair glowed in the early evening light, and my breath was taken away. "He's so beautiful!", I exclaimed, and was told that's not a very complimentary thing to say about a boy. And now, all these years later, I can still recall that moment and know that it was the right word, indeed.

We grew up together, you and I, and I know I didn't always do right by you, but I did always do the best that I could. And you didn't always do right by me either, but somehow, we made it through, and always knew that we had each other. There were years when things between us were difficult, some separated by distance, and those where we were under the same roof, but unable to understand each other, ones when I feared for you, that you might be lost to me, lost to the world, into the urges that drove you into actions I couldn't understand.


And then you left me, and as sad as I was, I knew it was the only way. My own road was rocky then, and there were many times I wished we could be there for each other, but I also knew that you had to learn how to find yourself. And whenever you would come so briefly back into my life, it was like that lovely evening golden glow had returned.
From a distance, I saw you come into yourself, as if watching a chrysalis. Opaque and undefinable at first, and gradually, with wondrous clarity, I could see this remarkable creature unfold and spread his wings, and be amazed that any of this had anything to do with me. But I shouldn't have been surprised, because there were many, many times when you amazed me with your intelligence, your perception, and your maturity.

And then, I saw you cast your glow on another, the woman who lights your life in return. It startled me how I felt no jealousy, rather, gratified that you had her light, the need to touch you both, and this makes me happy. I embrace her, the children she brought with her, and the remarkable one you've made together in your image who is part of me as well. My beautiful boy, now a remarkable man, yesterday celebrated that day you first saw this world, and I celebrate it here.

1 comment:

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